Posted on December 6, 2018
by Steve Janowick

She nudged me conscious from a restless sleep and asked me why I had wanted her so much tonight.  A night that saw us go to the bar for a few drinks, get into a stupid fight then come home and have incredible make-up sex.

I rolled over, cleared the cobwebs from my head, collected my thoughts, and groggily whispered, “it’s the woman in you.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’re soft and beautiful!  You are desirable. You’re everything a man is not.”

“Me, or all women in general?”

“You.”  But of course, I meant all women.

I turned back to face the wall.  The moon outside was bright and shined through the slots of the blinds, cutting the darkness in our room into one-inch slices.  I knew neither of us was getting back to sleep anytime soon, and that was making me anxious.

“Do you still love me?” She asked.

“Yes, of course, I do.”  

She began to rub my hair.  “I’m so confused lately with the way things are between us.  You’re so hot and cold all the time.”

I looked at the clock and it said 4:22. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know.  Something. Anything.”

But at that moment I had nothing.  

“Am I still attractive to you?”

“Didn’t I prove that to you tonight?”  I was fixated on the clock. Minutes were going by like seconds.  Soon the alarm would be going off. I had to get some sleep.

“Just be honest with me.  The way you were acting at the bar…Is there someone else?”

I shook my head.  I was getting agitated.  “What? No, you are my girl!  And have I ever given you any reason to doubt my commitment to you in the year we’ve been together?”  

She thought about it for a second.  “No, you haven’t.” There was a beat or two.  I knew she wasn’t finished. “Well, then why do you get so quiet and closed off with me all the time?  It’s like you just go off somewhere in your own head, and shut me out”

“I don’t know.  It’s just who I am.  I don’t mean anything bad by it, it’s just who I am.  I’m like that with everybody, you know that.”

“But I’m not everybody”

“I know, I’m not saying you are.”

“I wish we could be more able to…“

“Baby.”  I cut her off.  “It’s 4:30 in the morning and we both have to be up for work in two hours.  Can this wait until later? I think you’re being insecure for no reason right now, and it’s making me very agitated.”

I could feel her warm breaths on my back with each frustrated exhale.  I could hear her aggressive pillow adjustments. We laid there together for another few minutes in awkward, uneasy silence.  Then…

“Why have you been getting so agitated with me lately?

I rolled back over again, and this time I looked her in the eyes.  I thought about my words carefully.

“It’s the woman in you,” I said.

Would you like to sponsor a CMX post like this one? If so fill out this simple form to let us know you're interested and we will get in touch!

Get Your Dose of Machismo

Subscribe and receive musings from one bad-ass to another. You won't regret it.