Posted on December 6, 2019
by Steve Janowick

“John walked into the market.  An hour later, they came out with a bag full of groceries.”

Get used to saying it like that.  Because since John has decided that he now identifies as gender non-binary, he no longer accepts or answers to anyone referring to him as “he” anymore.  Or even “she” for that matter. 

No, he insists that “they” is a suitable pronoun when referring to him now.  “They” is all inclusive, you see, and suits whatever sexual persuasion or identity John is feeling at that particular moment.  Male, female…tree: it doesn’t matter, John has all the bases covered with “they.” Who cares about the venerable rules of English grammar?  What do thousands of years of proper syntax matter when you’re trying to make a statement, right?  

This is madness!  

And how I learned of this latest far-left lunacy was quite comical.  On a recent Tuesday evening I was lazily sitting on the couch with my wife, reading an article in Rolling Stone as she immersed herself in the latest gruesome double-homicide on Discovery ID (there’s definitely a rant coming soon about this odd fascination women seem to have with murder shows on TV).  Anyway, the article was about the singer, Sam Smith. I had no idea who this cat was, but the headline referenced his popularity – hence my piqued interest.    

So, I started on the first paragraph and was immediately caught off guard by this particular writer’s ineptness at…writing.  Or maybe it was just laziness on the editor’s part.  I didn’t know. But regardless of who was to blame, someone was screwing this article up royally.  The writer kept referring to a singular noun (Sam Smith) with a plural pronoun (they). But why? I was sure I caught Rolling Stone in a major faux pas here – and as a snooty writer myself – I was so proud for doing so.  

Like any competitive spouse would do in this situation, I leaned over to show my wife how perceptive and keen her husband was.  But after she read the first couple lines all I got was a snarky chuckle. “You know he’s non-binary, right?” She so snidely reminded me; taking odd pleasure in my confusion. 

“He’s what…?”

Needless to say, I suddenly realized, after my wife’s laughing outburst, that this Rolling Stone writer wasn’t a clueless pronoun user at all.  He was just an enabler. A propagator. Someone who liked to thumb his nose at tradition and majority standards by catering to the whims of the latest and greatest fanatical tenet to roll off that wonderful assembly line called…progress.  Because it’s so progressive to be confused about your gender and force others to acknowledge that confusion.  

Yea…okay. 

Look, no one with a shred of common sense thinks it’s cool to cave to the whims of a group that makes up .01% of the total population.  But reasoning and rationale went bye-bye a long time ago, and now caving to the new, hip, minority “oppressed group” of the day is commonplace. 

Even if it means compromising the rules of a language that a majority of the world speaks.

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